Canine De-Evolution 
A study of UGA mascots, 1950 - Present


UGA I

UGA VII

Dogs are capable of tremendous evolutionary change over a short time period. Consider the case of the University of Georgia's mascot, UGA. By carefully selecting the least fit offspring of each UGA, Georgia scientists were able to transform the English Bulldog into a barely alive pile of dog-mush. In the table below, you can trace the de-evolution of UGA. Pictures of healthy bulldogs are provided for the purpose of comparison.

UGA Mascot Analysis
Reference Dog


The first UGA looks exactly like the reference 1950s English Bulldog. There is no evidence of inbreeding.
You can see slight evidence of the eventual atrophy of the UGA line's face in this picture. Future UGA faces would be selected based on resemblance to an albino's scrotum. Otherwise, UGA II appears to be a normal bulldog.
Notice the decline of UGA III's posture when compared to the reference dog. Eventually, UGAs would be unable to support their own weight.
UGA IV is the transitional specimin between classic "Bulldog" UGAs and the modern "Animated Lump" UGAs.
Surprisingly, this mascot looks like a healthy bulldog. This is because he is "Otto", the substitute mascot, not an UGA.
UGA V, the first modern UGA, had to be kept on ice at all times or his heart would explode. Observe how the reference dog is able to stand upright without panting.

UGA V was could not to bark and communicated via gurgles.
UGA VI looked more like Jaba the Hut than an English Bulldog. Examine the reference picture and notice the difference in head shape and face "stupid-fatness".

Unable to sustain an erection without passing out, UGA VI reproduced via artificial insemination.
UGA VII had a lard-to-dog ratio of 9 to 1 and needed to be carted via wheelbarrow for distances exceeding 2 yards. Notice how the reference dog is not composed entirely of wrinkles and sadness. 

Lacking working jaw muscles, UGA VII survived on a diet of gravy and beef tallow.
Genetic science allows us to make accurate predictions about the future look of UGA mascots. Eventually the flabby body of the UGA will de-evolve to the consistency a marshmallow peep.